Sabotage Part 1

This is a two-part blog - mainly because my brain has developed phagocytosis over this blasted thought. *I'm not going to tell you what phagocytosis mean, quit being a lazy douche and look it up*
 
This thought is killing me... I will more in depth on the next blog about the reason behind the thought. But here is my question.....
 
What if I'm the on sabotaging this whole entire thing? Is that possible? Am I reading too much into things? Why am I still hanging on? What am I even hanging on to,  A text, a random phone call once a week, a facebook message? Am I sabotaging myself on purpose? Am I holding on to nothing or something? How long will I do this for? How can I still be doing this?
 

Why the hell am I still doing this, and for what? A chance, hope, love, lust..........

 
Sending some Midwest Love to y'all
~Northern Star
 
PS - just the title alone sounds amazing ::::::::: this was at the top of my draft from Southern Belle - I can promise y'all that part 2 will be amazing :::::