This girl be Cray

I have two of the most amazing best girlfriends a girl could ask for or want. But listen here....they are CRAY! Okay, this blog is most definitely about me also. Who am I kidding? I am far from sane, normal, average, etc....far fucking from it. The story goes like this. MNbestie and GAbestie, shall be so respectfully named, have both had meltdowns this week......

Oh wait, so have I.

Hardcore.

All of our meltdowns stemming from sheer exhaustion and a significant person in our lives. Now, I have only one, MNbestie has, well now she had, one, and GAbestie has too many to count right now.

**PS I'm really jacked up on coffee and should be writing an important paper on the Human Genome Project (because I'm smart like that), but can't concentrate and this is sooo much better.**

My meltdown...all stemming from the realization that I am potentially going to be giving something up over a plane ticket. Yes, it's more than a plane ticket. It's meeting my family and blah di fucking blah. In the grand scheme of things...it's a plane ticket. Because without the plane ticket nothing happens. Also, the fact that I am okay with it. So why if I'm okay it happening in a month am I not okay with it right now? That was the short version of my epic, massive, day-long, entirely too emotional, tear filled, superhero, real life meltdown. More to it than that...if you love someone you want to talk to them right? You use the few minutes that you get to say hi to that person, rather than someone else right? I think so, but then again I'm not normal and my thinking is probably ass fucking jacked up backwards.

MNbestie...meltdown of completely different proportions which has ultimately left her single, it was short lived but in the end she can move on and be happy.She is rational. She is a thinker. She learned from it. She had the girl version of Mr.NattyLight. That's some serious shit right there.

GAbestie, where oh where to begin. A few too many men, good men at that, and one crazy meddler. Yes, I'm a little jealous. One time, not too long ago, I was the man collector. She has now taken my place and I am proud. But jealous. Actually, no - I could do without the drama. I just want to make out with some man or men. All of these men...they are good men, so good in fact that they are all in love with her - no doubt because of her awesomeness. The meddler needs to do ride a magic carpet out of GAbestie's life for good.  Young, Wild, and Free.

 

I'm a firm believer in Karma and it's gonna come hard...you just wait! I'm sad I won't be there to witness it first hand...who knows maybe Karma is smart and will wait just so I can watch her wrath!

A man would be crazy to think that he will ever find a "normal" girl. BITCH PLEASE. That girl is lying to you if she tells you she isn't a little crazy. We are women. It's in our DNA. Genetically made with a bit of crazy. Just accept it. A girl is crazy to think that she is normal. If you are reading this, and claim to be normal, I call Bullshit and want to meet you and keep you in my life forever. I'll take that normal to the grave, but pray for a crazy moment the whole way there!

Meltdowns happen. Just let it happen. Deal with it. Move on. Learn something from it. In the words of my not usually so wise baby sister "Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On" - she's 23 and single.

 

I'd like it to say "Breathe In, Breathe Out, Get Drunk, Move On" (but I don't recommend that, especially during a meltdown - it only leads to making out with strangers and probably taking your shirt off, but you could end up not having a bar tab). You know what? Just do whatever you want - it's your damn life and you only get one!

Have the meltdown and be proud that you have a little crazy. It most likely means that you care about something and that even though you care way more than the other person, it's part of what makes us unique!

Sending Crazy Love from the Midwest....

~Northern Star

Disclaimer Needed

 

I need a disclaimer...

Literally.

And this one does NOT do it justice.

 

 

Love y'all!

~Northern Star  

90s NObacks

I hate when I can't tell if a woman is wearing white stockings....

Or


Is just super pale....

And by the way white stockings ended with giant fabric scrunchies and Full House.

YOLO

I HATE this saying but this time I'll allow it!!

Happy Tuesday y'all
XOXO from the North
~Northern Star

Deep Tweets

Northern Star

Black and White

We are all so caught up in the gray, the middle, the in-between. Nothing is as simple as the black and white. So what happens when you make the decision to cut out the wishy-washy, the gray, the middle, the in-between? You're left with the black and white. The good and bad, up and down, yes and no. There is no just fine, diagonal, or maybe. Believe me when I say that I live my life with in-between. Sometimes it's needed and is what's best for that moment and situation. This black and white is my reality right now. I'm going to be okay either way. I'm strong. Eliminating the gray is supposed to eliminate the feelings right? So why does this make me so emotional? Because it all comes down to this. There is no more after this. It's all or nothing. In a way, I just want to know that if it hurts I can get the hurt out of the way. But right now, the not knowing almost hurts just as much.

Sending my love from the North
~Northern Star XOXO

Regret? Me? Never....Until Now

I never regret anything. Never. Plain and Simple. I have chosen to live a life without regrets and have found a lot of peace and acceptance in doing so. I take responsibility for my actions and accept that the decision I made was the right one..so why was I so overcome with regret a couple days ago? It was Thursday to be exact. February 28th, 2013. I was brought to tears over the fact that I may have missed out on something so incredible and it's still haunting me days later.

The fact is that I haven't missed out on it yet. He is still in my life. Mr.NattyLight. We met unconventionally, and I was completely in awe when I met him in the McDonald's parking lot in South Carolina. Months later he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said No....on more than one occasion. We lived hours apart from each other...really a long distance relationship? We talked about me moving to south Georgia to be closer to him, and to try to figure out how to make this work. I chose to stay in Atlanta. And actually, moved back to Minnesota at the beginning of the year. I don't regret those decisions. This is what I need to do for me right now.

So on Thursday, I was overcome and overwhelmed with fear that my one word answer of "No" to his serious question about being his girlfriend was the one thing in my life that I might regret. Now, understand this... I don't even regret getting divorced or anything surrounding that situation. Nothing.

But this....this I can't seem to shake. What if I missed my chance and am not going to get another one? Oh my gosh... all of these what ifs?? I don't think like this. I don't ask questions like that. I just don't. For some reason though, right now I am. Yes, we live 1000 miles apart and Mr.NattyLight has assured me of a lot of things. I haven't missed my chance..if I did he wouldn't be in my life anymore right? I don't regret saying No to him. I regret not giving it a fair chance. I love this man. So why didn't I say Yes?  My answer was very selfish and reactive. I had just moved to Atlanta, wanted to have the best of both worlds, and was not ready to be in a long-distance committed relationship. Now though? Committed relationship - Yes? Long-Distance - Yes, but not permanently. Mr.NattyLight and I have been doing this for a year now. We're getting pretty good at it...but to wake up and see him everyday would be incredible. I want this to work.

I was listening to a song today by Lady Antebellum - There is more to the song and that would be my dream life, which isn't without reach, but these words said everything to me today.

Mama said home is where the heart is
When I left that town
I made it all the way to West Virginia
And that's where my heart found
Exactly where I'm supposed to be
It didn't take much time
It's just south of the Mason Dixon line
It's just south of the Mason Dixon line



If I missed my chance I will be devastated. I'm not sure if the devastation will be from regret or this ending. I'm not even sure how he feels about that. Nobody likes rejection. We were put into each others life for a reason, and have separated and came back together again. There are reasons for this, I just don't know what they are and I am okay with that right now. This isn't going to last forever this way - me in Minnesota and him in South Carolina. A decision has to be made and it will be in time. But for right now, I will wait because I don't want to give up. I want this to work. I want a reason to keep fighting for this. I don't want to regret saying that one word. That one word from 6 months ago could cause this fail. It could mean that I missed my chance at something really good. So, for now, I'll wait and wonder and comtemplate and fight.

~Northern Star