Monday, February 3, 2014

So.. You Wanna Be A Hater..


So you wanna be a hater? Well haters… Y’all should just go play outside if that is how you want to behave and live your life. Stemming from a recent slap in the face “you come off as a bitch and are unapproachable” comment, it appears that my ambition to be the nice girl is failing me in a way I never thought possible.

**Disclaimer: this is purely venting. Not to partake in the judgment or conviction of others**

After some drunken ghetto bitch tried to get all up in my face claiming I was “mean-muggin’” her is where it all begins. Let us back up and not forget the part where her fiancé was all sorts of touchy-feely with every girl at the party… and when I happened to look her way while reminding her fiancé that HE WAS ENGAGED is when supposed “mean-mug” took place. Sadly, nothing happened, not even a hair pull. Little ghetto one just stood on her tiptoes to TRY and get in my face. Not long after, a feud of epic proportion took place between the happy couple. Watching the engagement ring get thrown around like Jell-O being thrown at a nurse by a crabby ass elderly woman was worth me sticking around, if not solely for the entertainment factor. 

Yes, it appears that I would be judging the little nugget that wanted to beat my ass, but I’m not. We’ve met more than once, each experience worse than the one before. The possibility of her being the definition of white trash is substantially high and that is just rainbows and butterflies. She lives her life the way she choses, and I do the same.

Being the nice person that I think I am, I was sober cab for 4 drunkards. Who were fortunate enough to be borderline white-girl-wasted on Peach Moonshine. That’s when I relived the night to the man in my passenger seat. Brief discussion and then BAM, he hits me with “Yeah, well you aren’t very approachable and people think you’re a bitch until they meet you.” He would have been better off just slapping me or staying quiet. Fuck it! He should have just kept his drunken mouth shut, but instead kept going on about how he’s heard it more than once.  

Being the one that always does her thing, and doesn’t give too much of anything to others opinions, this actually really hurt me. Crying did not happen, but it got me curious about why people think that. Three days later, I’m still thinking about it and now writing about the cynical people in the world.  Clearly, many of you need to spend more time doing more productive things with your life rather than focusing on the approachability of someone. If you want to approach someone than do it. The fact that you let the opinions of others influence you so much that can’t branch out into a new social circle is petty and ridiculous.


The judgmental people of the world probably have the most ridiculous perception of everything around them. Insecurity gathering inside of them and instead of focus on themselves they puke it all up on others. Here’s what I say: You don’t know where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what I’ve lived through or what I’ve experienced in life. Not everyone runs around the world with a big fucking grin on his or her face, but in the end judging him or her makes you a worse person than you were before you opened your mouth to spout ugly words. If you want to spew ugly ignorant words about humans that you have yet to get to know than go far away, ideally to another planet. Take your Haterade with you and get out the hell out of here. Go the therapy, or the gym, or church. Figure out why you must be the judgmental person that you are. I’ll still be here, living my life one day at a time, and it’s likely that I’ll be happier than ever.

So, when you’ve corrected yourself and found your place of happiness in life let me know. And if you decided to leave your dumbass behavior at the door during the next time we should encounter one another you should say hi. Maybe we can be acquaintances, or even friends, but that’s a pretty hefty maybe.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Signs

Often times I find myself contemplating the universe and what is in store for my future. I've always been a believer in signs and a higher power, and up until this past year typically just blew them off. Now though, there have been more and more signs that I've started to really wonder about and try to figure out why they are happening. In doing some research I found this great article and it really resonated with me and helped me get a grasp on some things. My favorite part: 

"Many times people don’t follow their hearts because oftentimes the guidance don’t make sense to the mind and the heart can’t be understood by the mind/logic, and that creates fear within the individual so they don’t go there.

It takes practice and trust to learn to discern with the heart, and to go where you don’t see the next step takes courage, but that’s where our real life is – where the heart leads us.

The mind is not a good leader as it’s driven by fear basically; fear of loosing something or fear of not getting something.

The heart wisdom simply says “go there, do that, call her, don’t talk to him” and so on and your role in this is to not ask “why?” because Truth never explains itself.

You only need to trust it." 


We don't follow our hearts because we are scared and the mind usually always wins the battle with it's logic. If I had followed my heart I would be living in the south. Maybe alone, but hopefully with a certain someone. My biggest sign this past year has always been from one person. I've been going on more dates and trying to meet more people in hopes of finding someone to spend my life with. Without fail, when things are headed in the right direction with a new person, one person calls. A call that flips my world on its axis again. And as always, I'm left to put myself back together again and wonder if what was said was real or just lies. 


I've thought to myself that the universe is sending some signal to him that I'm dating and having a good time, which results in a call or text or some sort of contact. How else could he possibly know? Hw could he know what I am up to 1000 miles away and we never talk? And literally, the guy that I was going on dates with just disappears. Every damn time. It's sabotage by the universe. I had a thought the other day that this keeps happening because I am not truly over him. It's unfinished business. If you've read any of the other blogs you know this would be my one regret in life. 


I honesty thought I was over him, this last time, and then the message came that there was a good possibility of us seeing each other very soon. It didn't happen, and once again we aren't talking and I'm stuck wondering why he puts me through this and why I let it happen. So back to the signs it is. Trusting something that feels every bit right in your heart and every bit wrong in your mind is pretty much impossible. A battle in every sense of the word. 


If I were to take the advice in this article and be fully open to the signs, I'd find a way to make what my heart wants become a reality. However, it will take the participation of the other person to make that happen and that isn't looking very promising. So, I'll keep going on with life as is. Energy wasted or not I know that what's meant to happen will happen. When the time is right. I'll be patient, have faith and trust that my journey will ultimately lead me to where I'm supposed to be. 

Enjoy the article! 

~Northern Star~

http://www.thehealersjournal.com/2013/07/07/how-to-recognize-and-read-signs-from-the-universe/

Thursday, October 24, 2013

What you thought was real..

Maybe it was real. 
For a short period. 
But trust me, 
Letting go is good. 
Better than good. 
It's liberating. 
Freeing. 
Invigorating. 
Opens up new possibilities. 
Letting go makes you brave. 
Hard, yes, but in the best possible way. 

~Northern Star 


Monday, October 21, 2013

Making Peace

Making peace is hard. Thinking that what you had with someone was special, and going to be your future, and then BAM it's done. I've made my peace though, and yesterday that was clarified. 

You see, it's been a month since we talked. Not the first time that has happened in the time that we have known each other. But this time was different. In the past, I would wait because I knew that you would come back. The fling that you thought was amazing would end and I would be there waiting. THANK GOD THAT HAS ENDED. 

Trying to make contact after a month is hard...and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit happy when you did. Even though I miss you, it took one sentence to make me realize that I don't need you. I don't need you or the drama or the never-ending circle roller-coaster that we were riding for so long. 

I've been ejected from the ride and am okay with it. My soul is better now, lighter and more free, because you aren't holding it down with empty promises of a future. My heart and mind are no longer conflicting with each other about the right thing to do and when to do it and how to do it. My soul is at peace. 


In my heart you will always have a place, and a piece of my heart you will always have. 


Peacefully ~~ Northern Star 

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

A Goodbye

To: You

You. You know who you are. You're more than aware that this is for you. I've been wanting to do this for quite some time, but it never really felt right until now. There was always a glimpse of hope that this was all going to work out for the best, that the happily ever after was at the end of the tunnel. But, it wasn't. In any case, this isn't for you... if you read it great, it not that's just as well. This is for me. My closure. My goodbye. My taking back everything that I gave you. 

I know that I will forever be thankful that we met. You were any important part of my journey in life. An important part of who I have become in these past two years. I will never forget the day we met. You know that one summer love, that you had thought was going to have staying potential, but it turns out it didn't. 

March 2012. May 2012. ----- September 2013. Nice timeline. Memories. Lessons learned. You taught me a lot in this time. Honestly, some of the most random things and some really important things. You taught me that I could love again. Heartbroken more than once, I guess my love made me hopeful. I was hopeful. Up until today, I was still hanging on. 

Hanging on because I had finally made up my mind. Drop everything and go. I had made up my mind. I was going to tell you the next time we talked. That time never came. It's been 21 days. And it will never happen. It's done. 

The goodbye is usually the hardest part. I've said "goodbye" so many times with you and up until now they never felt real or right. Never felt like the right time. I was always going to be there when you were ready to come back, and I was. On more than one occasion. 

The time we spent together, it was good, really good in fact. I'm thankful for it. You'll always have a piece of my heart. We'll always have that one summer and then some. But now it's time to let you go. To free myself from you. To tell you thank you. To tell you that I loved you. To tell you goodbye. 

Goodbye........

From...... Me 

~Northern Star~

Conflicted

I've been been feeling very conflicted lately regarding what my purpose is supposed to be in life. I never thought that I would be going through this battle again with what to do with my life. A few years ago when my ex-husband and I separated I thought I knew what I wanted. Two years ago when I moved to Georgia I knew that was exactly what I wanted and needed at that point in my life. There was no doubt in my mind that I HAD to go to the South. Moving back to Minnesota, well I've beat that topic to a pulp. Now, being back home almost one year, I'm wanting more.

I haven't been completely content for a while, and I do believe that it is starting to take a toll on me presently and the relationships that I have with people. Trying so hard to live in the moment and accept that everything happens when it is supposed to and for a reason is what I have always believed in. Lately though, I'm failing even at that. Failing at something that I was so good at...making the best out of any situation, and being happy in that moment. 

I've become more reliant on my Faith and God, with hopes that if I'm patient enough things will fall into place. Recently starting to volunteer at my church, and feeling the need to do much more and become more connected, so I'm doing it. At the same time, my heart keeps screaming at me to get out of Minnesota. That this still isn't the right place for you. That there is somewhere else that you be long. 

So my soul is conflicted, battling itself. Wanting to become more connected, but wanting to be so far away at the same time. I'm just not understanding what my soul and heart is in search for. Something bigger, something better, but what and where? How long will I have to wait for it? How long will I wait for it before I just make a decision and go with it? Will I be happy with the decision? 

If I we're to answer that question now, I would say no. I wouldn't be happy with the decision. I wouldn't. I know myself well enough to know that. 

As far as moving is concerned, Atlanta is always an option. My pull towards the South is stronger than ever, and my gypsy soul will never be full satisfied........ 

☆Northern Star ★ 

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

An Attempt At Goodbye

To:

All the words are in my mind, but I can't seem to put them onto paper.....

From:

~Northern Star

Sunday, September 15, 2013

will i ever get over you?

i am almost positive that i never will. 

just when i think i am ready to say goodbye something changes my mind. 

we both have said goodbye before. 

but never permanently. 

that has been the hardest part. 

knowing that you will come back. 

knowing that i will be there waiting. 

nothing we ever do is good enough. 

never solidifying a decision. 

never making a plan. 

always hanging on to something. 

waiting for the other to make the big move. 

getting hopes up only to be let down. 

wishing that it were easier. 

but the only thing that has come easy is the love. 

the rest is a battle. 

i will be in the battle for a long time. 

until the time comes to walk away. 

when one more heartbreak happens. 

that is when goodbye will happen. 

but goodbye is just goodbye. 

i will move on with life. 

i will never get over you. 

~~Northern Star~~ 

My first official music review!

Hey y'all -- I hope the weekend wasn't as rough on you as it was me...but no worries I'm fully recovered! I wanted to share some awesome news and great music with y'all so let's get this party started!!

Last week I posted a tweet about new country music artists getting headline tours after having only 2 singles out - which I think is absurd. I love music..all types..and especially new artists. I don't think that 2 singles and an EP, with a full album scheduled to be released, warrant a headlining tour. I don't even think one full length studio album should get you a headlining tour (but that is my opinion).

Said tweet was favorited, and I was invited to listen to and write a review on Doug Ratner & The Watchmen, or DRAW, and their 3rd studio release titled "Run With Me."  In all honesty, I was probably way too excited... but that is how much I love new music and artists! Now based purely on his Twitter profile I was expecting a good mixture of country and rock n roll, Doug describes the music as "country fried rock n roll." I'm much more of a country girl than anything else...but I would compare his sound to that of Weezer, Green Day, and Sublime - maybe all of the mixed together. However, with the way music trends are currently, DRAW could end up being a marvelous cross-over artist playing in a variety of genres.

The album, which is still in production, was what one would expect after doing more research on Doug and the band. http://dougratner.com/about/doug-ratner/ Self-described as a "wacky guy," the album is no doubt a direct reflection of his personality. Check out his other band mates bios too - they seem like a rad bunch of dudes!

The song If You Wanna (which I have included the tour version YouTube video for) was by far my favorite on the album. It has a catchy beat and great chorus..and the video solidified my feelings for the song, it's just a feel good sing out loud song. You know there is always one song of any album that just sticks out - well this was it for me!

Nowhere To Hide was also one of my favorites, there is a sweet guitar solo about 3/4 of the way into the song. It made me want to bust out my old guitar hero guitar and jam out. BUT I was driving, so I had to settle for some badass air guitar moments instead.

Red Jeans is another song that should tell you more about Doug and his clothing preferences! Talking about men and their clothing styles - while most are sporting khakis and suits, he's rocking his red jeans and cowboy boots! I LOVE IT!

Music aside, Doug is a pretty interesting and incredible character. My opinion is based only on their website and music, but when someone is as passionate about music, and life in general, as Doug and the band are it shows. Seriously, read some of his tweets @dougratner ...or posts to his website http://dougratner.com/band-news/

Okay so here are some links so that you can check 'em out   -
http://www.youtube.com/user/dougratner
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/lessons-well-learned-ep/id510029791?ign-mpt=uo%3D4

And Now - WATCH THE VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Thanks y'all - have a wonderful week and enjoy some new music! ~~Northern Star 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Drunk Last Night (part 2)

Hey Y'all... 

So I'm posted the lyrics of Drunk Last Night,  in part because I absolutely love this song and love Eli Young Band, but mainly for what is about to be told in this blog. If you haven't heard of Eli Young Band you def need to check them out... they are amazing! I have been looking forward to this song coming out for so so long that I had it on repeat for an entire day when it first came out. 

This song, not only speaks to us and me on a personal level, it tells a story about who some of us really are. For me, this has become somewhat of a familiar pattern in my life. I have begun to realize that I learn a lot more about a person when they are drinking, and especially when they call late at night at are drunk. Speaking from past and current experience, I can say that it is something I am all too familiar with and quite frankly don't appreciate. 

False hope, fake promises, a life that may or may not be possible.... All things that are said, and might even be genuinely meant by the person saying such things. Saying things when you are drunk that you can't say when are sober. We've all been there, and we've all done it, and we've all had those mornings when we can't remember what happened the night before. I'm the first to admit that black out drunk WAS my favorite past time. I have said and done plenty of things that I don't remember. BUT, I am well beyond that phase in my life. And in all reality, I'd rather have a grown-up conversation about the situation than to have a drunken conversation and a completely different sober conversation. 

I believe that we speak our mind more freely when we are under the influence, maybe because our minds are impaired or because we are feeling less shy and more willing to speak the truth without any regard for the consequence. Not thinking what the other person is going to feel, or how they will react. 

In the song it says "I swear it's the last time every time" .... when is the last time? When does it finally happen? When both sides are ready for it to happen? When fate is ready for it to happen? What if it doesn't happen? 

Reality is tough to face when someone is even the slightest bit closed off. To get the truth out, to make plans, to discuss rather than have a one-sided conversation.... but in the end it's all supposed to work out right? We each have a life plan and map and are all just on our merry way through this game called life, hoping that we get the right card or make the right decision to move forward one space instead of back two. 

Please do check out the song and the band... they are pretty great and will put a smile on your face and hopefully make you wanna have a little singing and dancing party!!! 

Love y'all ~~ Northern Star 

Drunk Last Night (part 1)


I got a little drunk last night There's something 'bout a midnight rain.                                             
Staring at the ceiling fan I couldn't get you off my brain.                                                                  
I guess I wasn't thinking straight I couldn't tell wrong from right
I went ahead and called you up I got a little drunk last night                                

I brought it all up, got it all out               What is it worth, to both of us now                                    
It's off my chest, but never off my mind      
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,You feel bad, and I feel worse  

I swear it's the last the last time every time                             Don't know why                                                                                                                           
Might've been a song on the radio 
Might've been nothing, baby I don't known.                          
Might've been a little too tired to fight                                            
Might've been I got a little drunk last night 

I got a little too far gone I was talking way too loud                                                                                 
I don't remember what I said I just remember breaking down

I brought it all up, got it all out              What is it worth, to both of us now                                   It's off my chest, but never off my mind      
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,You feel bad, and I feel worse  

I swear it's the last the last time every time                            Don't know why

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight

Might've been I got a little drunk

I brought it all up, got it all out               What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, keep that hurt,You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last the last time every time

I got a little drunk last night          I got a little drunk last night
Thought I could keep it all inside      

But I got a little drunk last

~~Northern Star ~~

Monday, August 5, 2013

Funny How A Melody...

Sounds like a memory.
Isn't it though? Music has such an unreal way of getting into our mind, or souls even, and taking us back to places. Places we may or may not want to go to.
Lately, I've noticed that there have been a few select songs that take me to these places.
Good songs and.memories bring such an overwhelming amount of emotion that sometimes I have to pause what I'm doing.
When the bad memories are evoked I find myself changing the station, skipping the song on my iPod, and have even deleted a few from my library.
Good or bad here are a few of my melodies and the memory:
Rhianna - we found love. (Ladies night at Wild Bill's... never fails. I'm always taken back to the dance floor with all my girls dancing like drunken idiots... but living every Damn minute of it) you better believe I jam out every time I hear this song!
Zac Brown Band - whatever it is. (My wedding song) Yup.. it's no longer on my playlist and I change the station if it comes on the radio.
Rascal Flatts - my wish. (This song always brings on an unfathomable amount of emotion. This is the song I danced to with my father at my wedding. I'm taken back to that special moment that him and I shared, and am ALWAYS thankful that he was able to be apart of that chapter of my life) It will remain on my playlists, and I cry like a baby every time it's on.
Jason Aldean - dirt road anthem. (My bestie and blog partner Amanda) No words needed because this is our jam...but only the remix with Ludacris!
Kip Moore - hey pretty girl. (This brings me back to you....to dancing barefoot in the driveway under the starlight, to learning how to 2-step and how patient you were while teaching me, to you singing in my ear, to sitting on the tailgate of your truck with cold cheap beer....to you) This one is hard for me because it's very emotional. There are alot of feelings stirred up when I hear this song. I've cried over it numerous times, even skipped it out changed the station, but have never deleted it. Wishing I could be back there, in your arms, dancing barefoot in a driveway....that's where I end up.... In some daydream that I would give anything to make a reality.
I think about the stars in the sky / Funny how a melody sounds like a memory 
~ Northern Star

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Practicality

This is my life. With that one person. That one man. The one I'm overly hopeful for. The one everything comes natural with, but not easy. It's not been convenient or expected, but all of this is what makes our story ours. The obstacles and fight are what make it so great, they're what creates the best part of the love story...the smile, the happiness, the love that was never expected.