A Meaningful Life

Making Peace

Making peace is hard. Thinking that what you had with someone was special, and going to be your future, and then BAM it's done. I've made my peace though, and yesterday that was clarified. 

You see, it's been a month since we talked. Not the first time that has happened in the time that we have known each other. But this time was different. In the past, I would wait because I knew that you would come back. The fling that you thought was amazing would end and I would be there waiting. THANK GOD THAT HAS ENDED. 

Trying to make contact after a month is hard...and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit happy when you did. Even though I miss you, it took one sentence to make me realize that I don't need you. I don't need you or the drama or the never-ending circle roller-coaster that we were riding for so long. 

I've been ejected from the ride and am okay with it. My soul is better now, lighter and more free, because you aren't holding it down with empty promises of a future. My heart and mind are no longer conflicting with each other about the right thing to do and when to do it and how to do it. My soul is at peace. 

In my heart you will always have a place, and a piece of my heart you will always have. 

Peacefully ~~ Northern Star 

Conflicted

I've been been feeling very conflicted lately regarding what my purpose is supposed to be in life. I never thought that I would be going through this battle again with what to do with my life. A few years ago when my ex-husband and I separated I thought I knew what I wanted. Two years ago when I moved to Georgia I knew that was exactly what I wanted and needed at that point in my life. There was no doubt in my mind that I HAD to go to the South. Moving back to Minnesota, well I've beat that topic to a pulp. Now, being back home almost one year, I'm wanting more.

I haven't been completely content for a while, and I do believe that it is starting to take a toll on me presently and the relationships that I have with people. Trying so hard to live in the moment and accept that everything happens when it is supposed to and for a reason is what I have always believed in. Lately though, I'm failing even at that. Failing at something that I was so good at...making the best out of any situation, and being happy in that moment. 

I've become more reliant on my Faith and God, with hopes that if I'm patient enough things will fall into place. Recently starting to volunteer at my church, and feeling the need to do much more and become more connected, so I'm doing it. At the same time, my heart keeps screaming at me to get out of Minnesota. That this still isn't the right place for you. That there is somewhere else that you be long. 

So my soul is conflicted, battling itself. Wanting to become more connected, but wanting to be so far away at the same time. I'm just not understanding what my soul and heart is in search for. Something bigger, something better, but what and where? How long will I have to wait for it? How long will I wait for it before I just make a decision and go with it? Will I be happy with the decision? 

If I we're to answer that question now, I would say no. I wouldn't be happy with the decision. I wouldn't. I know myself well enough to know that. 

As far as moving is concerned, Atlanta is always an option. My pull towards the South is stronger than ever, and my gypsy soul will never be full satisfied........ 

☆Northern Star ★