Just a little inspiration for all the ladies today!
Sending my love from the North
~northern star
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Dating. A horrible thing
Dating. I am 27...almost 28 and dating. Well I guess not really dating but we will get to that in a little bit. So dating is this difficult, weird, awkward fun but not fun thing that 20 somethings are supposed to do. Well, let me tell you it sucks. Mostly for me because I am not easily captured...or maybe I don't want to be? That's the question.
Back story: I've been single for almost two years now. I had a wild crazy fun year in Georgia...didn't "date," just had a lot of fun being single and in a completely new environment. Now, back in Minnesota, I'm beginning to realize that I am not getting any younger.. would like to have kids one day, a good hearted man to come home to, and to be that someone for someone else. I'll have my fairy tale one day. No doubt about it. However, I'm not sure if I want all of it now..or just when I get lonely or what the deal is. I enjoy being single, doing what I want whenever I want, meeting new people, flirting, and asking a random guy at the gym out for a drink when I feel like it (he had a girlfriend...go figure it's how my life works.)
More seriously, I have contemplated this whole concept of dating for a while. Self-help books have been involved, God and prayer have been involved, lengthy conversations with my best friends have been involved but with no end result except for this one thing. Mr.NattyLight.
Mr.NattyLight is always on my mind. When I first moved back to Minnesota, I reconnected with someone from right after I was separated to catch up and see where things were at. We had a great time, good conversation and I was geniuinly happy to see him. After, I sat in the parking lot, in my car and all I wanted was to be with Mr.NattyLight.
Next...a coffee date with an engineer. Nice guy and it went well, but I was clearly going to be way too much for him to handle. Never talked again. On my way to meet him I saw a license plate with Mr.NattyLight's name. (Yes, I believe in signs get over it.)
Was supposed to go on a date this past Sunday night. He couldn't make a decision as to what to do..I got bored and said we should just try for another time. Haven't heard from him since...yeah it's only Monday but whatever. Honestly, this happens more times than not. I just can't seem to find anyone to keep my attention long enough.
Needless to say, I might be my own cockblocker, actually I am positive that I am. Simply for the fact that my fairytale could very well be living 1000 miles away, in lowcountry South Carolina. As much as I want him to not be on my mind all the time, he is. Being far away is hard. The unknown is worse. The waiting for something and someone to finally give in and make something happen is even worse. I'm not going to lie.. he's a total ass sometimes, we bicker all the time, but he teaches me something new every time we talk, lets me sing loud in his truck, took me down a Georgia dirt road so I could see the cotton fields and take pictures of the sunset, AND...and even took me to the Wal-Mart to people watch. Pretty sure this man knows me better than I know myself. But does he love me like I love him? It's possible. We might just both be too stubborn for each other. If you have ever seen the move The Notebook.. I would relate our relationship to Noah and Allie.
Dating is weird. It's weird because you don't want to meet someone in the bar, online dating is sketchy as fuck, people try to set you up but they never pan out, and asking gym employees out gets you a big fat rejection. There are rules and regulations, and every person in their twenties needs some sort of manual for dating. Do you text or not text? Call or not call? How long do you talk before you meet? How to prevent a catfish scenario. What questions do you ask on a date? How to turn a first date into a second date. OH MY GOODNESS.... it's so overwhelming. At least in high school there are people all around and you get to know them in a social, non-alcohol induced environment. Real world dating sucks. Straight up sucks.
At the end of the day all anyone wants is to be with someone who makes them a better person. Someone they can take care, someone who will take care of them and who will be there for them. Someone to kiss them on the forehead, and hold hands with while walking down the sidewalk or beach (mostly for me so I don't run into a random tree or bush..I'm a safety hazard) someone to lie next to in bed and stay up all night talking about nonsense or dreaming up the future. Someone to proud of and show off and say that they are yours and you couldn't be happier....
All of that is a lot. A lot to look for in someone. Everything in my gut and heart tells me that I have found that. My brain...my logical, over thinking brain tells me that I can't give into it that easy. I'm just asking for some effort. I want you to want me so bad that it hurts. That living without me would be that hard that you can't and won't do it. I've lost enough in life to know that settling is not an option. I won't go down without a fight and I want to be fought for. Regardless of who is or isn't doing the fighting, Mr.NattyLight is the last and first person I think of pretty much everyday.
So back to this dating thing....
~Northern Star
Back story: I've been single for almost two years now. I had a wild crazy fun year in Georgia...didn't "date," just had a lot of fun being single and in a completely new environment. Now, back in Minnesota, I'm beginning to realize that I am not getting any younger.. would like to have kids one day, a good hearted man to come home to, and to be that someone for someone else. I'll have my fairy tale one day. No doubt about it. However, I'm not sure if I want all of it now..or just when I get lonely or what the deal is. I enjoy being single, doing what I want whenever I want, meeting new people, flirting, and asking a random guy at the gym out for a drink when I feel like it (he had a girlfriend...go figure it's how my life works.)
More seriously, I have contemplated this whole concept of dating for a while. Self-help books have been involved, God and prayer have been involved, lengthy conversations with my best friends have been involved but with no end result except for this one thing. Mr.NattyLight.
Mr.NattyLight is always on my mind. When I first moved back to Minnesota, I reconnected with someone from right after I was separated to catch up and see where things were at. We had a great time, good conversation and I was geniuinly happy to see him. After, I sat in the parking lot, in my car and all I wanted was to be with Mr.NattyLight.
Next...a coffee date with an engineer. Nice guy and it went well, but I was clearly going to be way too much for him to handle. Never talked again. On my way to meet him I saw a license plate with Mr.NattyLight's name. (Yes, I believe in signs get over it.)
Was supposed to go on a date this past Sunday night. He couldn't make a decision as to what to do..I got bored and said we should just try for another time. Haven't heard from him since...yeah it's only Monday but whatever. Honestly, this happens more times than not. I just can't seem to find anyone to keep my attention long enough.
Needless to say, I might be my own cockblocker, actually I am positive that I am. Simply for the fact that my fairytale could very well be living 1000 miles away, in lowcountry South Carolina. As much as I want him to not be on my mind all the time, he is. Being far away is hard. The unknown is worse. The waiting for something and someone to finally give in and make something happen is even worse. I'm not going to lie.. he's a total ass sometimes, we bicker all the time, but he teaches me something new every time we talk, lets me sing loud in his truck, took me down a Georgia dirt road so I could see the cotton fields and take pictures of the sunset, AND...and even took me to the Wal-Mart to people watch. Pretty sure this man knows me better than I know myself. But does he love me like I love him? It's possible. We might just both be too stubborn for each other. If you have ever seen the move The Notebook.. I would relate our relationship to Noah and Allie.
Dating is weird. It's weird because you don't want to meet someone in the bar, online dating is sketchy as fuck, people try to set you up but they never pan out, and asking gym employees out gets you a big fat rejection. There are rules and regulations, and every person in their twenties needs some sort of manual for dating. Do you text or not text? Call or not call? How long do you talk before you meet? How to prevent a catfish scenario. What questions do you ask on a date? How to turn a first date into a second date. OH MY GOODNESS.... it's so overwhelming. At least in high school there are people all around and you get to know them in a social, non-alcohol induced environment. Real world dating sucks. Straight up sucks.
At the end of the day all anyone wants is to be with someone who makes them a better person. Someone they can take care, someone who will take care of them and who will be there for them. Someone to kiss them on the forehead, and hold hands with while walking down the sidewalk or beach (mostly for me so I don't run into a random tree or bush..I'm a safety hazard) someone to lie next to in bed and stay up all night talking about nonsense or dreaming up the future. Someone to proud of and show off and say that they are yours and you couldn't be happier....
All of that is a lot. A lot to look for in someone. Everything in my gut and heart tells me that I have found that. My brain...my logical, over thinking brain tells me that I can't give into it that easy. I'm just asking for some effort. I want you to want me so bad that it hurts. That living without me would be that hard that you can't and won't do it. I've lost enough in life to know that settling is not an option. I won't go down without a fight and I want to be fought for. Regardless of who is or isn't doing the fighting, Mr.NattyLight is the last and first person I think of pretty much everyday.
So back to this dating thing....
~Northern Star
Friday, April 5, 2013
Failed attempt # 1
A letter to Mr.NattyLight... He's been on my mind hard lately. This letter has been wanting to get into paper for a while now... But there is So much on my mind combined with my toddler attention span and anxiety... It's a fucking disaster.. So this is failed attempt number One.
Feelings are hard to express when you have so many. So I'll make another attempt at the letter another time.
Love y'all ~~Northern Star
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